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A COVID-19 parable in three scenes

Published on 16 Comments on A COVID-19 parable in three scenes

SCENE 1

ACTING UNDER AN ONEROUS TESTING MANDATE FROM THEIR TYRANNICAL LEFT-WING GOVERNMENT, KEVIN AND MARIAN ENTER PHARMACIE 217 IN THE 18TH ARRONDISSEMENT OF PARIS. ALL DIALOG IS BASED ON ACTUAL EVENTS.

CLERK: Bonjour.

KEVIN: Bonjour! Do you offer rapid COVID-19 tests for travel?

CLERK: Yes indeed. Just scan this QCR code with your phone and then follow the links and answer all the questions.

TEN MINUTES LATER

KEVIN: Whew. I think I got all that right.

CLERK: Fine. Now step into this room. The pharmacist will perform the test.

SCENE 2

KEVIN: Wow, you sure jammed that swab pretty far into my brain.

PHARMACIST: Ha ha. I did, didn't I? Anyway, your results will be emailed to you in 30 minutes.

KEVIN: Can I get a printed copy instead?

PHARMACIST: No, that's no longer allowed. But don't worry. The email will have a link that you follow, and then you just scan a QCR code, answer some questions, follow a few more links, and everything will turn out fine. It's all in French, but you should have no trouble with it.

KEVIN: Um...

PHARMACIST: Don't you trust me?

KEVIN: Oh, I trust you, I just don't trust cell phones.

SCENE 3 — 30 MINUTES LATER

KEVIN: We're back for our COVID results.

PHARMACIST. Good, good. Now click here...

PHARMACIST TAKES CELL PHONE AND BEGINS TAPPING AWAY WITH INCREASING FRUSTRATION.

PHARMACIST: There seems to be an error. This happens sometimes with countries that are far away, like America.

KEVIN: Oh.

PHARMACIST: Don't worry. Everything will be fine. I'll print out forms for both of you.

TEN MINUTES AND MANY QUESTIONS LATER EMANATING FROM A BACK ROOM:

PHARMACIST: Is that January 10th or October 1st?

MARIAN: January 10th.

PHARMACIST: All set! Here are your test certificates.

KEVIN: Merci.

END

16 thoughts on “A COVID-19 parable in three scenes”

  1. Salamander

    The US could use a little left wing tyranny. This "FREEDOM!!!" thing, with a couple of mass shootings per day and increasing, isn't all it was cracked up to be.

    1. Spadesofgrey

      Many "left wing" countries cared little about Covid. Maybe dialectical illusion isn't worth the time.

  3. S1AMER

    I've been in French pharmacies a few times (for non-major reasons), and encountered a level of friendly helpfulness that reminded me of the old fashioned corner drugstores of my younger days.

  5. rick_jones

    Had you planned things so your river cruise completed the trip rather than open it, you would have been covered automagically by Viking. And given a nice, analog, piece of paper.
    Which, likely as not, no one will ask to see upon your return to the US.

  6. Special Newb

    I was told jamming up all in the nose is not necessary anymore the last time I got a PCR. French healthcare amirite?

    Also were you negative?

    2. megarajusticemachine

      I too was told that when I was tested a little over a year ago. The home test kits don't even seem to advocate for that either.

    3. Jasper_in_Boston

      FWIW I take take a test roughly nine out of ten mornings here in Beijing, and they're doing throat swabs only. I have no idea if eschewing the nasal version in favor of throat-only is good or bad.

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