A conversation the other day prompted me to reevaluate the way we talk about teens and social media. It's usually framed as whether social media is good or bad, and that's obviously not very useful.
The internet has a tendency to bifurcate things. Most famously, I believe that the internet makes smart people smarter and dumb people dumber. Smart people, who have the background and context to manipulate search engines and other tools can become far more productive and less error-prone than in the past. Dumb people, by contrast, are more likely to be taken in by scams and conspiracy theories. They end up dumber than if they'd never logged on.
The same is true for teens and social media: it makes the popular ones more popular and the lonely ones more lonely. It's pretty easy to see how this happens. Popular teens have always had multiple outlets to improve their popularity—school, parties, cliques, etc.—but social media gives them even more. Conversely, unpopular kids now have yet another group to be shut out of.
There's really nothing we can do to get rid of social media. We are social animals and it's here to stay. And for kids who are either popular or even average, there's probably nothing we need to do.
The problem is with the small group of kids who are (a) already unpopular and lonely and (b) especially sensitive to being left out of social media. These are the ones likely to be driven into even deeper problems, and that's where our focus should be.
But what's the best way to address that? Any ideas?
POSTSCRIPT: I have another, more speculative theory as well. Perhaps the problem is that introverts need downtime away from other people, and social media makes that harder to get. Even the introverts are being constantly texted and iChatted and Instagrammed and so forth. They are bombarded with human contact, and that's what's making them anxious and depressed. They just need to be convinced to ditch their phones at night and unwind with a few hours of me time, the way introverted teens used to.
I was going to write a reply, but find myself overcome with a desire to disconnect and unwind for a few hours of me time.
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Now he’s getting it. Mr. Drum and I are both older upper middle class well adjusted professionals. We’re on easy street (except for his illness). We know how to navigate the world and deal with creeps. It doesn’t bother us.
But others are more fragile and they can’t manage this back and forth without getting depressed, despondent, or angry. Some lash out!
Life is good, for me. But it’s not for others. I am in no position to help them. They need really close and intense engagement that can only come from family and close friends. There is no social program or government policy which can help them. We should stop pretending we can help.
So, you're good with that Alaska state representative who advocated letting the fragile and endangered just die, and save the taxpayers some $1.5 million apiece? Okay...
I would shoot the SOB republican. I would kill them all if I could. But that’s not practical. Don’t mistake my acknowledgment of the reality of the situation for acquiescence. I admit I am powerless. As such, I do not expend much energy concerning myself with things beyond my control. But many of these things really piss me off.
It really doesn’t matter what I’m good with. I have no power to implement any policy or program.
Though I’m sure I don’t give a fuck about republican Alaskans. They Might as well be ISIS radical terrorists.
Is there evidence that the "problem" with teens these days is about introverts? I dunno, but if that's the case, my suggestion for kids who are introverted is to find something you like to do and keep busy.
My son's a jr. in h.s., and about as introverted as anyone I know. He likes spending time with others but not so much to hang and do nothing. He's in several after-school clubs, in jazz band, and takes (and teaches) one-on-one music lessons. There's always a recital or concert or competition coming up, and on top of homework, getting ready for SATs, etc., not a lot of time to waste on social media (which is Discord if anything). He'd rather spend an hour listening to Chopin anyway. A lot of people find him quiet, and he is, but he's also engaging if you share some common ground, and relatively well-adjusted.
I can't always say the same for his father.
Social media use among high school students in the USA averages 5-6 hours a day. That's in addition to everything else they use their phones and computers for. In addition, the tech companies are monetizing all that attention, and so make social media and video games as addicting as possible.
So asking about whether social media is good or bad because it hurts teens' mental health is to me beside the point. Think about the opportunity cost of spending all that time on cell phones and computers.
As a high school teacher who is soon to retire, I will be glad to leave behind dealing with the increasingly distracted students who at the end of class all rush to the wall to grab their cell phones to see what they missed. I won't miss having to get them to put them up at the start of class -- a constant problem, because they don't want to be parted from their precious phones for FOMA. I used to work hard to bring digital tech into my classroom to engage students. Now it seems like a terrible idea. They are already too engaged with it and spend so much time staring at screens that I wonder how much time they have left over to do anything else worthwhile.
The problem for the unpopular kids on social media isn't being left out, it's being bullied. Social media effectively lets the bullies follow you home and bully you outside of school hours. Not having that respite is a problem.
Also, even kids who are not usually "unpopular" as such can run into social trouble sometimes, and social media can make those rough patches rougher.
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As an old person who has raised 3 girls and a grand daughter I have seen a HUGE difference between the generations regarding self-esteem.
First let me say that our teen years are awkward, they are hard, there are pressures on teens (especially education pressures) that are not there for older folks. Teens are not yet "comfortable" with their own skin so to speak.
In years past we got "independent" views of US from our friends and families. Sure we always said that "Ok that was my Moms opinion of me but she is prejudiced towards giving me a positive view so let me ask my friends." Nowadays that morphs into let me get a totally independent view on Tik-Tok or facebook or what have you from people that don't know anything about me. Unfortunately the internet is a faceless, distant media that makes it easy to lie and be mean to others with no repercussions. In face to face meetings MOST people would be careful how they phrase an opinion of how they felt about you. The internet because of it's "remote" nature has no sense of civil decorum and (insecure) teens in particular take too much to heart.
Heck there's a whole breed of people who are "influence rs" who's only claim to fame is how they look and so on. It's hard for any teen to try to keep up with the Jones when in fact those Jones are the exception to the norm. The internet's anonymity is a blessing and a curse and those who might me insecure in one or more facets of their lives can get really hurt by those anonymous opinions
I don't "get it" at times...........
It's certainly made you think YOU'RE smarter
People with naturally good social skills tend not to really grasp that there are others that lack those skills; they're not deliberate assholes, but they often come across that way just because they don't know any better.
A person with poor social skills can often get advice from a relative, or from one of the few friends they have, or sometimes from a teacher, guidance counsellor, or other professional on dealing with a particular social situation, but as far as I know none of the helping professions have ever put together a course teaching social skills generally. Such a course could well be "the best way to address that".