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Surprise! Apple never planned to kick Twitter out of the App Store

Over the past day I've read at least a dozen pieces explaining how stupid it would be for Apple to toss Twitter out of the App Store. But was Apple ever thinking of doing this? Elon Musk visited Cupertino to find out:

Musk has now gone full Trump. Two days ago he said that "Apple" had "threatened" to ban Twitter from the App Store, "but won’t tell us why." People wrote and wrote about this, but I couldn't figure out why since there was zero confirmation from anyone that it was true. Today, miribile dictu, Apple's CEO "resolved the misunderstanding." They had never even considered doing this.

Of course not. Musk invented the whole thing to get attention, and Tim Cook responded calmly because he's a normal adult who doesn't need the grief but also doesn't need to start World War III over some stupid shitposting from a guy who thinks of himself as the world's richest edgelord.

Cook has had years of experience with the Chinese, and I doubt that Musk is more than an irritating fruit fly by comparison. So he took a deep breath, invited Musk to visit, and placated him without launching any dangerous confrontations. It's the same way you'd deal with an unstable seven-year-old who had his hand on a nuclear trigger: Calm him down and divert his attention somewhere else. Then get back to your grown-up work.

19 thoughts on “Surprise! Apple never planned to kick Twitter out of the App Store

  1. kenalovell

    I'm sure Musk fans will bray that Tim Apple changed his mind because he was cowed by Musk's threat to build his own PhoneX if Twitter was kicked out of the App Store.

  2. Justin

    Y’all are obsessed with twitter. Meanwhile…. Today in mass murder.

    BUFFALO GROVE, Ill. — Sources confirm to WGN five people were found dead in a north suburban home Wednesday in what is being described as a murder-suicide.

    This doesn’t count as unusual crime, though. Just the normal rate of mass murder. And, of course, there isn’t a damn thing the police (or anyone) can do to prevent it. They just show up and collect the bodies.

    1. Austin

      Even though you acknowledge that “there isn’t a damn thing the police (or anyone) can do to prevent it, thanks for bitching about it to all of us though. Super helpful concern trolling as always, reporting from your mother’s basement.

      1. HokieAnnie

        There IS something we could do about it, oh stuff that every other civilized country does but nope the 1/3 crazy part of the country knows how to stop any attempts to do so in their tracks.

  3. different_name

    The big problem is that unstable douchebags like Donnie and Elmo get that powerful in the first place.

    If theres one important problem to solve in the 21st century, it is what to do about billionaires. It isn't just that their existence is a glaring illustration of a market failure, it is also that being that rich just seems to do something to people. Something bad for the rest of us. And I while I'm as individualist as any other red-blooded American, I'm collectivist enough to think that one weirdo's pet theories aren't more important than the rest of us.

    Frankly, I'm more worried about Mercer and Thiel and related than Elmo. D00dbro is just kind of an idiot, I'm pretty sure he'll have used up his 15 minutes soon enough.

    1. Jasper_in_Boston

      You could say that about virtually all of corporate America. And all of corporate Europe and Japan and Australia. Even after five years of trade war, Chinese supermarkets and departments stores are a sea of prominent US brands. And yes, just like Apple, Microsoft, P&G, Tesla, Disney, Nike, Frito-Lay, McDonald's, YUM Brands and every other big Yank outfit over here obeys PRC law. Both a new Domino's and a new KFC opened up within walking distance of my apartment within the last few weeks. And a McDonald's opened up last spring.

    2. different_name

      Hey, why don't you go ask Elmo what he thinks of the anti-free speech lockdowns in China.

      You won't, because you know as well as I do he will. not. comment.

      But he's totally a free speech hero!

      Elmostans are even dumber than he is.

  4. rick_jones

    Ah, the inner courtyard of the Spaceship. Roughy where once Bill, Dave, and other Hewlett-Packard high ups would grill food for the Hoi Polloi…

  5. Excitable Boy

    “So he took a deep breath, invited Musk to visit, and placated him without launching any dangerous confrontations.”

    Wait a second, do we have any confirmation from Apple, Tim Cook, or anyone that any of this took place? Musk tweeted a 5 second shot of some fountain, I assume is at Apple HQs. We have no idea if Musk took it. This is laughable, the whole thing is made up as far as I can tell.

      1. Excitable Boy

        I can’t tell if this is sarcasm or not. Musk is the guy that tweeted about a British cave explorer as “pedo guy” when he felt disrespected. Just one of multiple examples of his claims that are easily debunked. His first tweet in this episode was about Apple banning Twitter from the App Store which WAS EASILY DEBUNKED.

  6. D_Ohrk_E1

    Twitter will be kicked out. The question is, when and where. Will it be in a few days after EU's latest law goes into effect?

  7. royko

    I never believed Apple was considering this. (At least, not unless it was due to Twitter running afoul of EU regulations or something.)

    However, I also don't think Apple will start buying Twitter advertising just because Musk accuses them of hating free speech. I figured they'd just ignore him while Twitter goes bankrupt.

  8. Jim Carey

    Kevin ... The following Max Planck quote was in your header as I was reading this post:

    "A scientific truth does not triumph by convincing its opponents and making them see the light, but rather because its opponents eventually die and a new generation grows up that is familiar with it."

    I was thinking about how that relates to the "null hypothesis" concept and the following Viktor Frankl quote:

    "Between the stimulus and the response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom."

    Every original thought that occurs to an unstable seven-year-old (defined chronologically or otherwise) appears to be eminently plausible, and every conflicting thought appears to be an unworthy-of-consideration speculative assumption.

    What would happen if the null hypothesis concept was the first thing taught in science education? Specifically, where there are conflicting assumptions, start with the provisional 'null hypothesis' assumption ... that subjecting the two conflicting assumptions to an equal measure of rigorous skepticism will prove to be inconclusive, thereby inserting the needed space between the stimulus - one's own opinions in combination with opinions that differ - and the otherwise reflexive/immature response.

    Maybe it's just me. Maybe Planck, if he wasn't dead, would point to a flaw in my logic I still can't see. Meanwhile, I'll continue to believe that if he had thought of the effect of the explicit teaching of that concept, he wouldn't have been so cynical.

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