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The strange, short-lived tale of the armored Teslas

Published on 41 Comments on The strange, short-lived tale of the armored Teslas

What a weird story.

Last year the Biden State Department approved about $500,000 for EVs as diplomatic shuttles. This is . . . I don't know, maybe a dozen cars? Not very many, anyway, especially for a guy who's famously pro-EV.

But NPR reports that shortly after Donald Trump took over, a new line item sudddenly popped up at the State Department:

Armored Teslas! And it was for $400 million, enough to replace every armored car in the diplomatic fleet:

According to the State Department document reviewed by NPR, there are about 3,000 armored cars and SUVs around the world that are used to transport diplomats, VIPs and other officials working for the State Department.

If every one of those vehicles was replaced with a new Cybertruck, which costs around $80,000 for an entry-level model, the bill would come out to about $250 million. The vehicles would then need to go through a process known as "up-armoring," which can cost tens of thousands of dollars per car. Multiply those costs by the size of the State Department's entire fleet and experts said $400 million would likely be a ballpark cost.

A Tesla Cybertruck that's fine for the Mojave Desert but entirely unsuitable for either up-armoring or for use in places like Karachi and Mogadishu.

Shortly after this became public the line item was quietly changed to "Armored Electric Vehicles." A week later it was eliminated entirely.

Elon Musk says he had nothing to do with this, and I probably believe him. First, it makes no sense. Teslas just aren't good candidates for up-armoring:

[Michael] Evanoff, a former senior State Department diplomatic security official with 40 years of experience, said the gold standard for diplomatic security are vehicles that are manufactured from the ground up with armor, not with armor added on later. Carmakers including Mercedes, BMW and GM offer such armored models. In fact, the State Department awarded GM a $300 million contract for armored SUVs in 2023.

A Cybertruck, he said, would not fit the bill.

Second, everyone knows about Donald Trump's grudge against EVs. He'd go ballistic if he heard about this, and Musk would never take that chance. It's not remotely worth the risk.

So what really happened? My guess is that some bright spark in the State Department put his finger to the wind and decided it was a neato idea that would get him in good with Musk, the administration's incoming viceroy. He didn't realize either how stupid it was or that the ultimate boss, Donald Trump, would never go for it. However, smarter people at State did realize this and quietly deep-sixed the whole idea.

But not quietly or quickly enough. It's now out there forever as one of the dumbest ideas ever.

41 thoughts on “The strange, short-lived tale of the armored Teslas”

  3. rick_jones

    Given how many Cybertrucks there are cheek to jowl at the Tesla dealership in Sunnyvale, and all the rest of the models, including some parked out on the street, Musk, if he’s paying any attention to doings Tesla these days might indeed like to sell a few more Cybertrucks, even if uparmoring them were impractical.

    1. aldoushickman

      Tesla stock is down >18% year to date (compared with the S&P500 being slightly up over the same period), so Elon(gated) Musk(rat) ain't doing a very good job at what is actually his job.

      1. jte21

        Musk's "strategy", if you can call it that, with Tesla seems to be "wait til you see the full autopilot capability, and then everyone will want one!" Yeah, dude, that's not the issue. If people didn't want to drive a car built by a frog-faced neo-Nazi megalomaniac to begin with, making it AI-chauffeured or whatever isn't going to help.

        The guy's been high -- quite literally -- on his own supply for too long now and while a lot of investors have been happy to join him for the high ride, eventually reality will have to be reckoned with.

  4. kenalovell

    It is of course possible some junior non-tech staffer in the State Dept thought EV=tesla, the same way vaccum flask= thermos.

  6. Austin

    “It's now out there forever as one of the dumbest ideas ever.”

    Really? Kevin can’t think of any dumber ideas in the Trump era? This “buy lots of Teslas with public money” won’t even be remembered a year or so from now when we are in the economic hellscape brought on by firing hundreds of thousands of government workers, deport millions of undocumented consumers, cut the incomes of tens of millions of Social Security recipients and Medicare beneficiaries, raise tariffs on stuff we have zero capacity to produce domestically, retroactively cancel thousands of contracts and grants that the recipients have already spent money on, require bribes for normal businesses to continue to function and experiment with government backing crypto.

    1. cnc

      If we're in the economic hellscape you describe and we're fortunate enough to have another election, it's reasonably likely sane people will prevail. Your hellscape is really kind of a best case scenario.

      If everyone feels like everyone else is getting hurt, the country might double down in two years or in four, assuming Trump doesn't launch a war in fall 2028 and call off the presidential next election. I fully understand what the Constitution says about this, but I'm not sure that's a thing any more.

    2. J. Frank Parnell

      Buying armored cyber trucks is pretty dumb, but not as dumb as emptying reservoirs in central California into the desert to magically reduce the fire danger in Southern California.

      1. jte21

        I'm sure if there's a really dry spring and summer, those farmers are really going to appreciate that Trump released millions of gallons of good irrigation water earlier in the year essentially because he's an idiot. Oh, and he's also going to drive all their field labor away.

        How some voters can get kicked repeatedly in the nuts and still be like "Thank you sir! may I have another?" I really will never understand...

        1. Salamander

          It appears the farmers are already howling because the demise of US AID and SNAP have dried up some of their most significant markets.

          Everything is connected. You can't just rip out one thread and not have the whole thing start to unravel. Come to think of it, that probably also describes much of the government's "legacy software", too.

          1. jte21

            Have any of these disappointed ranchers indicated they're planning on supporting a Democratic challenger in the next election to punish Trump for his misrule? Not in any of the reporting I've seen. They're just Susan Collins-style "very concerned" about how this will affect their industry.

            Hence my observation about being so willing to get kicked in the junk if it means they can also watch some POC/minority/immigrant group get kicked harder at the same time. Very little sympathy here.

  7. kahner

    i mean, maybe, but do you really think some random guy at State unilaterally added a 400 million dollar line item to the budget? that kind of crazy (and i presume illegal) shit i think has to come from elon. and of course he doesn't give a damn if they can actually function as needed.

    2. royko

      I have to agree. I guess I would be shocked if some rando at State would unilaterally spend $400 million. It could happen, but shouldn't there be some safeguards against this? Secretary of State or one of his deputies might attempt it, but I would hope they have some familiarity with the budget process.

      This is the type of thing that would normally trigger congressional hearing. I suppose we can expect them on the 4th of never. (Or maybe in 2027?) But it would be nice to know exactly who tried to give Tesla $400 billion while their CEO happens to be controlling all federal funding.

  8. politicalfootball

    Musk wouldn't promote a $400 million ripoff of the American people? That seems unlikely. I suspect they canceled it because they got caught.

  10. D_Ohrk_E1

    I think there are some errors and excluded details in the NPR story.

    - Have a look at this website. Scroll to the bottom. It says, "Date Published
    12/23/24"    , which is before the incoming administration had landed. It even has the contact person for the solicitation. Maybe NPR should contact the person. Even if he were laid-off or fired, I'm sure any average reporter can find that person.

    - Note that this was a forecast contract with an expected solicitation date of May 1, 2025. This would have been awarded after the last CR -- which was passed on December 20, 2024 -- is set to expire in a few weeks.

    - Note the NAICS code used for the forecast contract.

    - Note how the solicitation was written up: "Armored Tesla (Production Units)" which is different than "Armored BMW X5/X7". That tiny difference implies the solicitation wasn't for up-armored vehicles but production vehicles considered up-armored enough without modifications. The cost difference wouldn't be from up-armoring, but the cost of the contractor's purchasing, delivery, and profit.

    So, we have a forecast contract submitted 3 days after the last CR was passed, with a projected solicitation date almost 2 months after that CR would expire, with an interesting NAICS code associated with it, written for "armored Tesla (production vehicles)". I suggest that a Republican in Congress asked the State to add this, hoping to slip it into the budget as a favor for Musk to clear out building inventory.

  11. tdbach

    They might've planned on not "up-armoring" the Tesla trucks at all. They may not be sufficiently fortified, but they sure as hell LOOK like they are. They're not only uglier than a bad si-fi movie, they look like Fort Knox on wheels.

    3. emjayay

      This is one big reason why a CyberTruck (Elon likes cool names for stuff like his famous HyperLoop trains which will never exist ever. The only thing Hyper about them is the hype.) would be a terrible choice. If in a dangerous place why would a diplomat want to ride around in a vehicle that screams AMERICAN DIPLOMAT OR OTHER RICH AMERICAN GUY from a mile away?

  12. dilbert dogbert

    I viewed a video of parts falling off of the NAZItrucks. Panels are glued on and the glue is failing!!!. How the F'k is glued on armor going to work.

    1. DButch

      I should have scrolled down further. I included a link to an article on Daily Kos about Cybertrucks shedding "armor" and trim on the highway.

  14. Anonymous At Work

    So, the Deep State saved Trump from paying $400 million dollars, saved Elmo from having his cybertrucks embarrass themselves, and saved the lives of diplomats and VIPs coming to/from embassies and consulates around the world? How pernicious.

  15. lawnorder

    Why is it assumed that the armored Teslas would be Cybertrucks? Sedans seem like a more plausible choice; armored limos are more popular than armored pickups.

    1. emjayay

      Yes, people thought of them because they already look like armored assault vehicles. But at least now Tesla unlike GM and others does not make any vehicles that aleady come from the factory armored, so any Tesla would have to be taken apart, panels and glass added, and put back together in a shop, costing way more. Also expoding the batteries that cover the bottom of every electric car could cause immediate immolation of the whole thing.

  17. Martin Stett

    "Second, everyone knows about Donald Trump's grudge against EVs."

    Reasons? I don't mean rational logic, but the usual rat brained stuff.
    Did he get a nasty spark when he touched one?
    Somebody driving one laugh at him?

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