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Xbox has been ruined by woke liberal fanatics

Yesterday the marketing department at Mars Inc. discontinued the use of their animated M&Ms characters because, um, Tucker Carlson said they were fat lesbians now? Or something. It's not really explainable without sounding like an idiot yourself.

But now there's this:

I'll confess that I didn't quite believe this at first. I mean, it's Twitter, right? People are always exaggerating.

So I clicked on the video. Not only is the tweet correct, but Lis went easy on them. The Fox folks are literally outraged that Microsoft has added an auto-off setting to the Xbox, something that half the tech appliances in America have. My printer goes to sleep after an hour. My computer sleeps after 20 minutes. My phone sleeps after five minutes. This is a feature so common that my only surprise is that the Xbox didn't already have it.

And apparently it's all part of a conspiracy that started with gas stoves, moved on to coffee, and now is infesting video games.

Wait. Coffee? Dear Lord, I must have missed something. What have liberals done to coffee?

POSTSCRIPT: Just to make things clear, the new feature on the Xbox is that you can set it to shut off completely instead of merely going to sleep. This is what's destroying America's youth.

33 thoughts on “Xbox has been ruined by woke liberal fanatics

      1. aldoushickman

        I live in Texas, and it seems to be a point of pride among the locals here to use as much fossil fuel as possible. I guess for some, reducing energy pointless usage is a swipe at hometown industries . . .

        1. mudwall jackson

          and i'm sure they're the first to gripe when prices go up, whether it be at the pump or on the utility bill...

      1. cld

        I thought it was something to the effect that climate change is badly affecting existing coffee plantations and they have to find new areas to grow it in, which allows the conservative brain too many points of confusion, the reality of climate change and the reality of clear cutting, and that it will take years to really start producing a lot more coffee and so in the meantime the price goes up, and that makes conservatives the real victims here.

    1. Justin

      My coffee maker shuts off the hot plate after 90 minutes. Maybe that's it. Cuisinart.

      Otherwise... there is just no hope for a society and a media culture which demands that I care about these things. No hope at all.

    2. Salamander

      I'm also assuming it's the auto-shutoff feature, which has undoubtedly saved many a house when the residents rushed off to work without remembering to turn off the coffeemaker. I'm guilty myself, and have celebrated the auto off feature frequently.

      I guess this safety feature cuts into the "personal responsibility" crapola that Republicans are always shoveling out at the less fortunate ... but never practicing themselves. Can't turn off your own coffeepot? Then be homeless, ya dirty hippy!

  1. Murc

    We should in fact be going after kids at a young age to be involved in climate politics. That would be an unabashedly good thing.

  2. humanchild66

    Thing with coffee-I have no idea what someone said to piss off the anti-woke mission. But I'm a coffee geek/fanatic and in these circles it is well known that climate change is going to have a huge negative impact on the industry as the coffee belt shrinks and other environmental challenges decrease yield. It's pretty scary, not only because I friggin live for specialty coffee, but because there has been substantial investment in the last thirty years in ethical and sustainable production, trade, transport, and selling that has led to economic development in some pretty poor areas. So I don't know who is coming after that fat dude's folgers. I'm mostly worried about the small farmers in Ethipoia Rwanda, Guatamala, Burundi, and Thailand who are really dependent on the specialty coffee business.

  3. humanchild66

    "they're going after the children" by adding an auto-shutoff feature to the console that allows them to simulate murder and rape and stuff.

  4. Larry Jones

    Just tried to post three comments in a row. Each of them vanished without a trace as soon as I hit "submit." Then a minute later, all three of them were there, with the "edit clock" ticking down. Luckily I had enough time on the clock left to delete two of my comments. I thought yesterday folks were saying the edit function had been removed. So what's up with that, and does it now make us wait a while before it displays our comments?

  5. Dana Decker

    How does Fox *know* that the turn-off feature is exclusively due to concerns about climate change? Could be a feature to extend product life.

    1. Solar

      As usual they are just looking for random things to get outraged about to in turn cause outrage in their fans. They are framing this an attempt to "indoctrinate" children, never mind that the largest pool of Xbox user (and gamers in general), is in the 21-35 year old age group.

    2. Amber

      It's really there to make kids-these-days lazy by teaching them it's okay to just leave electronics on. Why back in my day...!!

  6. KJK

    Perhaps these morons would like to go back to the days when if you left your car headlights on, the bloody thing wouldn't turn off and you would end up with a dead battery in the morning.

    The auto shutoff feature on heating appliances (coffee makers, electric kettles, space heaters, electric blankets) are also a commie, pinko, lefty, snowflake, LGTBQ grooming conspiracy, circumventing our god given right to accidently burn down our own house.

  7. Altoid

    Maybe the coffee thing has to do with that study out of a Canadian university that said maybe K-cups aren't environmentally worse than traditional coffee-pot coffee, when you factor in stuff like leftover coffee, grounds that get tossed in the trash, etc? It was reported on last week, iirc.

    If that's it, it's just so perfect for scripting either way it comes out. On the one hand, traditional coffee-maker, the old ways are the best ways, get your cotton-pickin' woke hands off my coffee pot. On the other hand, I'll make my coffee the way I damn well please, and I'll drive my mega-diesel mega-pickup to get the groceries three times a day, get your cotton-pickin' woke hands off my Keurig.

    I wonder how many of them do a complete 180 before they get halfway through the headline.

    1. pjcamp1905

      So what, exactly, does Keurig do with their grounds after they've made the pods? Bleach them and sell them to tourists on the Interstate for grits?

      1. Altoid

        Better than salting the roads-- it's biodegradable! Think what that argument would do to Fox brains.

        In my experience, you toss the pods after you brew them. Or you can get reusable, refillable pods and toss the grounds. Either way Keurig's hands are clean, no matter what you do.

        Srsly, the finding seems to be that most of us use way too much grounds when we brew, and since growing the beans is responsible for most of the carbon emissions in the whole process, the controlled amount in pods comes out ahead on that score. Plus brewing a pot means heating up a lot more water, etc. Kind of a life-cycle assessment of emissions.

        I honestly don't know whether there's anything to this, but it got a lot of publicity last week (BBC, WaPo, etc) and it seems like exactly the kind of thing that would tie Fox shorts in a knot.

  8. pjcamp1905

    Clearly, woke liberals are responsible for coffee rust, in an attempt to destroy the Central American coffee industry and improve the African industry because, well, you know, Those people.

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