Nothing new to report this month:
My M-protein level was 0.46 last month and 0.44 this month. This is higher than I'd like it to be, but it's not horrible and it is fairly stable. So for now the cancer remains well controlled.
On other topics, my immune system—as proxied by my neutrophil count—is also stable, but at a fairly lousy level. That's had no effect on me—no colds, no flu, no infections, no nothing—and it's no worse than it was in the early days when I was taking revlimid. Still, it would be nice if it were in better shape.
And my stamina keeps getting worse—possibly due to my poor immune system counts? And I sure sleep a lot these days. It almost seems like every day is now a crash day, not just two days a week.
It all feels fairly discouraging, even though nothing all that bad is happening. I keep wondering if I feel this way because my physical condition is a little worse, or if it's because I'm so discouraged about events in real life. Between COVID, the wokeness wars, the Republican legislative blockade, Fox News, the insolvable wars in the Middle East, and the endless blathering about social justice even though neither white nor Black people are truly willing to address systemic racism in any serious way—between all this stuff, I find myself staring at the screen an awful lot and just thinking that I really don't see any point in even commenting on this stuff.
So maybe that's it. Or maybe it's just physical fatigue driving all this. Who knows?
Hang in there, Kevin. Sometimes we all have to take a mental vacation from the partisan politics and the like. I enjoy seeing your photography as well as your commentary. Stay well.
Second this. (I miss "likes" in this system for commenting.)
Kevin, have to agree that this a particularly depressing season for national and world affairs, rational actors and analysis are being rather owerwhelmed by the irrational actors and analysis.
But please do hand in there.
You've probably thought of this, but stamina issues may be related to chronic low-level inflammation brought on by anti-cancer meds.
There are a lot of supplements out there that claim to be anti-inflammatory, but I've no idea how well any of them work.
Reading the political news constantly can't help. Maybe you could focus on positive developments more. Battery technology or something.
Many chronic conditions can include clinical depression. If you haven’t yet, get an eval. Meds can be a huge help, even if taken for a short time. For me, all it took was 2 months; the mood lightened and I was able to regain a better balance. YMMV
I recall that some time ago he mentioned being on venlafaxine (aka Effexor).
Yes, I've been using Effexor for several years to address my long-term (40 years) mild chronic depression. I stopped using it last year just to see if it was really effective, and it sure was! After a couple of months to convince myself, I got back on it.
Could be that you're developing a tolerance and need to up the dosage a little, or explore a similar med. Or it could just be that, as you pointed out, the world kinda sucks right now, so being in a funk is a pretty natural response.
Damn lucky you have found something effective and tolerable. Good!!!
I took that for about six years but I couldn't take the discontinuation effects. But we moved into the woods and... Well, that's what I needed. I weaned myself off them over like two years. The first few months without any were pretty bad, but I got a bit better.
I still have depression, though, but not the depths of when I was in the suburbs.
Good on you to have found a treatment that works for you! ^-^
I use the metaphor of weather versus climate when I’m discussing the appropriateness of anti-depressant medication with my patients.
In Portland, the sun shines and then it rains, and the sun shines and then it rains! (This is why we have giant trees.) If you took an SSRI it would flatten out the peaks along with the troughs, and you might complain about losing joy.
However if you feel like you used to live in San Diego and now you have moved to Seattle, and it’s raining today, it rained yesterday, it’s raining tomorrow, and you’re thinking “sun? What is this thing you call ‘sun’ - I’m not sure there is a sun.” This is when pulling your mood towards the middle is a net win.
Everybody has good days and bad days, but when you stop having good days, that might be when medication could help. Not sure if this is applicable, but thought I’d share my decision process.
Your commentary is always worth ready, the photography is to be envied, and the cats....
not to be missed.
I don't know. Maybe more or different physical exercise would help. I hate to say take a break from daily blogging, but it might be worth a try.
The pandemic and associated responses and fears have added to everyone's stress and anxiety. Now that there is a light at the end of that tunnel, people are crashing a bit as they begin to relax. There is a lot of lost sleep to catch up on. All those plans to meet up with people and go out again--maybe after this nap...
Yes, it's a lot more complicated than that.
Take care of yourself, and it's ok if your body needs to crash for a bit.
People have commented on the mental health side of things etc. but, re. politics, I've got two observations.
1- people are generally, on average, neither bright nor interested in the hard work of coordinating to a higher setting. So endless wars, Republican BS and woke Stalinism. But it was ever thus and it's not like you or I are going to affect the outcome. You're a well liked blogger with a small following, I'm nobody. We don't matter. Then again, we never did. No more reasons to be depressed about it today than yesterday. It's all a spectator sport, even the arguments amongst wonks.
2- Black people have no interest in solving systematic racism and/or aren't willing to take steps to solve it? Uh? A- what steps are they supposed to take? It's out of their hands, by definition. And B- they don't want to?!? Can you please explain what you mean?
1. We all make waves, and you don't know where your ripples will land.
2. Yeah....I don't know where Kevin is going there. In general, getting people to do the heavy lifting is hard. Typically, collective action is needed, with respected leaders, and more importantly, effective policies. Doing the right thing has to be the covenient. For systemic racism--that change has to be done by white people.
I am 85 and you are describing my life. Seems every month the physical decline is noticeable.
Wow, I couldn't disagree more. A couple of times a week I think about how your writing on lead/crime is applicable to so many things in politics today. In other words, we poisoned a whole generation of kids, especially kids living in the inner city, and we are working out the results of that (with the vast majority of people not even aware of this key factor) only now. The problems -- fear of the other, increasingly powerful police forces and increasingly harsh punishment, plus the terrible political effects of those issues -- are huge and will surely take a few decades to work out. But the trend is in the right direction. In other words, in classic KD fashion, forget about woke wars and bullheadedness on systemic racism. Those fracases, in my opinion, are merely the too-be-expected battles occurring as we change to a lower-conflict society. The younger generation is growing up with so much less racism and tolerance for the brutal unfairness of the previous generation. God bless 'em.
Meanwhile, next year is going to be all about abortion and the economy -- and the status of those two matters are very hard to gauge at the moment. So, I hope you feel better and can enjoy the summer.
I would like to Upvote this comment! 🙂
I'm about your age and have had chronic low-grade depression for the last 15-20 years. I've tried three different medications and none really did jack. I'm really feeling that "discouraging" thing too. Trump's 4 years took a huge toll, and then COVID amplified it. I'm a fed gov't worker who misses going into the office, and as yet there's no plan to get us back in. So stuck working from home, still indefinitely. On top of that, just aging, with its slowly, steadily-increasing physical limitations plays in. I feel what you're saying, and I'm not even dealing with a serious health issue like you are. This is a long way of agreeing with you that that "discouraging" feeling is probably a combination of all the things you mentioned. But hey, one of the things I like to do every day is read your blog posts!
What E6 and Dogbert say:
The simple physical aging process is slow but ever insistent...it charges us a steep toll...that we must pay, there is no avoiding it.
I am still working pretty hard at my profession, (for unaccountable reasons), and I all too often find myself falling asleep...I mean actually asleep in my chair at my desk...it is the weirdest thing,nerving to wake up an hour or more later with time just having disappeared.
I've been afraid I have narcolepsy or something, but it is just aging I am sure.
I am also glad to see people mentioning the issue of depression...we can only muddle through this darkish puddle as best we can...I am glad and heartened to know I am not alone.
Let us smile, Best Wishes, Traveller
Kevin,
First I want to tell you that I really appreciate your work. I have followed you since your Calpundit days and you have literally helped keep me sane. You are an excellent political writer and observer. I am thankful you share your gifts with us.
I am glad everything seems to have leveled off with your health, and I really understand the gloominess stuff. Have you tried walking regularly? I love walking, particularly outdoors. I can feel down, but start walking and get into my own little world, the endorphins start pumping, and I usually feel really good when I’ve finished.
If your immune system is bad, do you think your coronavirus vaccine also failed? That has happened to people with poor immune systems.
I do not know, but I'm sending vibes...feel better, please.
Right. Late to the thread. We are about the same age. I feel like we all got PTSD sometime between Nov 2016 and Jan 2021. And now...the neighbor still has her Culp sign up. You know, the part time small town patrolman who got 44% of the vote for gov here in WA and stll hasn't conceded? What is she telling me with her sign? Half my online gaming team turns out are Q-nuts, and I come to find out some of my relatives are plum crazy. Add to that "everything is broken" - like how you order 1 floor polisher and get 2 - then have to navigate endless layers of customer service to get them to take 1 back. Then your card is credited the wrong amount. I mean, when it works it works but if something goes wrong, sorry (insert shrug emoji here). And yes, 2 hours in the garden and I feel exhausted. Wtf happened to my foot anyway? Nobody knows...
All the best.
Long term MMer here, DX in 2007. For me, malaise is part of the deal. Drugs, aging, and bad blood are all culprits. Gravity is also working against us. But, like you, I’m kinda stable and thankful for the journey. I also enjoy your blog. You are a good writer. 👏
Kevin - As always I'm glad to hear you're doing OK. I have no advise for you, except if it might make you feel better to know that strangers (me!) like your writing and read it every day and kind of look forward to it.
You are absolutely wrong on immigration, and many other things. But I hope you hang in there.
Well, sorry you're feeling down. I'm not very good at offering chipper advice. I bet though, that loads more people really appreciate all you do than is true for the average human, though. So thanks.
I'm glad your numbers are in the good places.
My nine-year-old cat has been battling lymphoma for several months now, and her leukocytes are finally back down. She sounds pretty rough this week, but it's all a matter of putting some weight back on her and finding a balance, like you have. I hope she can see twenty like my two previous cats!
A strange world we live in today.
Or, you're getting older. Normally.
Hooray!
Kevin
AT 62 years of age yes your physical stamina could be declining. It is made much worse by the cancer and associated treatments.
I would like to say I know YOUR answer but I don't. I did start light exercising in my early 60s. Walks mostly, that morphed into some weight lifting and using some exercise equipment. I started very slowly and missed more days than I should have but I forced it upon myself.
I still tire but find I can work though that. If it does get excessive? A nap. I find that since I ignored my doctors advice about SOME things, my life got better. The physical activity made the quality of my sleep better. I now count crashes not in days but in hours again
Will it play out for you that way? Don't know. I do know that when I realized what exercise had done for me, I counted that as a small victory - which in itself was a very big mood elevator.
You have been remarkably honest with us and that helps. Admitting your mood is not good when you write a piece gives us pause in reading those articles - which is a good thing
Kevin, late to this one but I've been reading your blog since Calpundit days and fwiw you've been a voice of sanity that was helpful at many different times over the years. Also, I appreciate your candor about your health. Other commenters have made the case for exercise and walking and I'll just add taking walks in as much nature as I can find has always helped my mood. I'll also add that laughing is good for you. Grab a copy of Duck Soup or Bringing up Baby or more recently the Airplane oevre , also Jackie Chan (Strike Force - the ladder scene alone has added a month or two to my life) or whatever idiotic thing just makes you laugh out loud.
"If life seems jolly rotten
There's something you've forgotten
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing
When you're feeling in the dumps
Don't be silly chumps
Just purse your lips and whistle, that's the thing
And ...."
You get the picture.
Cheers.