This morning I went in to get the first adjustment to my new eyes. By tomorrow I should have better near and far vision and I'll be ready in another week for adjustment #2. The adjustments will continue until we're all happy with the results.
However, my doctor really, really wanted my eyes dilated for this procedure. So we dilated them. Then some more. Then I went into the lab that has the big machine that does the UV adjustment. My doctor came in and declared himself still dissatisfied. "Go get the super duper dilating solution," he said, so some of that got squirted into my eyes. Then some more just for good measure. Then we did the adjustment, which is a matter of staring into a machine for two minutes while it performs some kind of computer-operated process to change the shape of the lenses that were implanted a few weeks ago.
By the time we were done I could hardly see a thing. My eyes were so dilated the whole world was fuzzy. So I waited a while, then killed some time over lunch, and then drove home, squinting madly the whole time.
But about a mile before I got home a small tanker truck in front of me blew a tire, careened across two lanes of traffic, smashed into the concrete median barrier, and flipped over on the other side of the freeway. And I have to say that this showed off American manhood at its best. I stopped to see if I could help, and I was joined by half a dozen other men, most of them youngish and burly and more able to actually help than I was. A couple of them climbed onto the truck—which was leaking fuel—and managed to pull the driver out. He was unharmed, as was a women in a car that his truck flattened on its way over the median.
So it all turned out fine for everyone. Except for many thousands of dollars in vehicle and freeway damage, that is. And my eyes are slowly undilating. It was an exciting day.